


Post "Requiem"

by scullybuck



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s07e18 Requiem, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullybuck/pseuds/scullybuck
Summary: After Scully knocks on Mulder's motel room door sick, he holds her to keep her warm. They fall asleep and end up waking up together the next day. They finally finish their conversation about Mulder wanting her to move on with her life, that she'd already lost enough.
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Post "Requiem"

REQUIEM missing scene  
Bellflower, OR  
Scully awoke to the sound of birds chirping and sunlight streaming in through the window across the room. For a moment she wasn’t sure where she was. She often felt like that when they were away from home, staying in a motel somewhere. It never lasted long, but it was always disorienting for a moment. She stretched and yawned and suddenly remembered she wasn’t alone. She could hear Mulder sleeping, his deep, long breaths ending in a small whistle and a little bit of a snore. She couldn’t help but smile. Scully carefully rolled to her other side and watched him for a few moments. This was so strange for them to spend the night together. It wasn’t something she intended to do, really. But when she wasn’t feeling well, she instinctively turned to Mulder. He lay on his back, his left arm resting across his chest and his right arm bent above his head. This man, her friend, her confidante, this man who could be so frustratingly single-minded at times could also be selfless to a fault. She knew that for whatever flaws he had, he balanced them with a kind heart and gentle spirit. She knew she wasn’t always the easiest to deal with, either. It’s probably why they worked so well together. They were such complete opposites that they fit, her yin to his yang. She appreciated his concern for her. He had always been protective. One thing is for certain, they always had each others’ back. But this time it was different.  
She passed her eyes over his perfectly messy hair, his stubble, his strong jaw and noticed for the first time how he’d aged. Looking back, he had seemed so young when they met. There was a boyish cuteness about him, and innocence, a youthful spark. He didn’t look old now, by any means, but something had changed. He was definitely not a young man anymore, and he was most certainly not naïve or innocent. This life had robbed him of those things. It had matured him. She knew she was not the same person she was 7 years prior, either. That was one thing that she realized was so comforting about Mulder. He understood where she had been. They had been through these last 7 years together and for all the ways that it changed them, it also made them grow stronger together.  
She glanced at her watch. 6:30. Time for them to get up and get ready to start the day. They had a lot to cram into one day, and she knew if she wanted to get back early and relax for a bit before their trip back to DC, they’d better get going. She lay her head on Mulder’s shoulder and hugged his chest with her right arm. He stirred slightly and his breathing changed. He was awake. He rubbed his eyes with his knuckle and opened them just enough to see a head full of red hair on his chest. He smiled, having forgotten she was still in bed with him. He rubbed up and down the arm she had across his chest and stopped with his hand covering hers. His right hand stroked her hair. “Good morning, Scully.”  
She smiled and turned her head up to smile up at him. “Morning.”  
He turned serious and placed his palm against her cheek. “How ya feelin’?”  
She nodded, “I’m okay.”  
He gave her a disapproving look that said, “Really? I hope that’s the truth.”  
She responded, “Really. At least for now.” and he believed her.  
“Good,” he smiled. “How about we go get ready and go get some breakfast? I’m starving.”  
“I wasn’t sure what we had time for, Mulder. We need to meet Billy first thing this morning.”  
“Well, I’m sure we have time for some breakfast first. We can still get over there early. Come on, Scully. There’s a diner just up the road.”  
“Well, I guess we should have something decent. It’s going to be a long day.”

Mel’s Diner  
7:50am  
“I’ve got 2 eggs fried over easy, bacon well done, hash browns, and a short stack,” stated the petite middle aged waitress standing at their booth.  
“That’s me,” Mulder said wide-eyed, like a kid on Christmas morning.  
“And there ya go, hun. And I’ll be by in a minute with more coffee,” she announced as she set Scully’s oatmeal, dry toast, and fruit salad in front of her.  
They each looked at the other’s plates in disgust and dug in.  
“How’d you sleep, Scully?”  
“Very well, actually. And you?”  
“Same. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever slept with a woman without actually…sleeping with her.”  
Scully gave him a judging look and they both smiled.  
“Seriously, though, Mulder, I appreciate it. I’m not quite sure why I even knocked on your door. I guess it’s just an instinct by now to turn to you when something’s not right.”  
“I’m glad you do, Scully. I do the same thing,” Mulder said sincerely, looking her in the eyes. He crunched down on a slice of bacon and chased it with a gulp of coffee. He was already halfway finished and she still was picking at her fruit salad, trying to make herself eat something. She was feeling somewhat queasy but didn’t want to worry him further. It’s just a bug of some kind. It’ll pass. There’s no need to make any more of a fuss than I already have, she thought.  
Mulder closely watched her for a moment but she didn’t know it. He knew she still wasn’t feeling well. He could see it in her face. “Scully?” He set down his fork and looked at her intently until she met his gaze. “Have you thought about what I said?” His jaw clenched and he stared into her eyes, determined to get an answer. She felt like he was boring holes through her with his stare. She pulled her eyes away, nibbling the edge of her toast. She shifted uncomfortably. Mulder sighed and covered her hand with his. “Scully,” he said it gently but a bit more firmly than usual. She put down her toast and gave a slightly annoyed huff. This wasn’t the time or place. They had work to do today. They were already late.  
Without looking back up at him, she replied, “Yes.”  
“And?”  
After a couple of moments of contemplation, she finally lifted her head and leaned forward a bit so others couldn’t hear her words. She pushed her plate back and crossed her arms in front of her on the table. “Mulder, I’m not sure what you expect me to do or say. But to answer your question, I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Scully –“  
“Mulder,” she interrupted, “we need to go, if you’re finished. Billy is waiting on us.”  
“But you’ve hardly touched your food.”  
“I’m fine, Mulder, let’s just go.” He nodded hesitantly, still watching her, vowing to himself that this conversation was not over. Scully headed to the car while Mulder paid the bill.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------

About an hour later, in the woods, Reggie led Mulder to the flashlight he had told him of, nothing left of it but a melted shell, the entire ground around it charred. He suddenly realized Scully isn’t in sight. Normally, he wouldn’t panic about that so much, but the way she’s been feeling, he was a little nervous about her not being where he could see her, especially out in unfamiliar surroundings.  
“Scully? Scully! He called out, wandering a bit deeper into the woods, and called out again. He stepped over some boulders jutting up out of the earth. That’s when he saw her out of the corner of his eye. She was lying flat on the ground in a daze, head lolling back and forth, eyes unfocused. He said her name again, partly out of concern and partly out of relief. He ran to her, knelt down on one knee, and looked her over, a hand on her cheek, asking her if she would like some water. He sent Reggie for some. He gently lifted her so her upper body was supported by his bent leg and left arm.  
“I just…I just hit the ground,” she explained.  
“Here, lie still,” he said softly, holding her to him. She looked up at his face, trying to focus.  
“Why is this happening to me?” she breathed.  
“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, brushing her red hair away from her face.  
“What the hell’s going on, Mulder?  
“I don’t know. But these aren’t just random abductions, Scully. We’ve got to warn Billy Miles of that,” he replied as he held her closer.  
“Warn him of what?” Scully weakly breathed, her eyes trying to focus on Mulder’s face.  
“These abductees aren’t just systematically being taken.” He paused, looking down at her, more concern on his face than ever. “They aren’t coming back.”  
Scully closed her eyes and tried to just rest for a moment. The dizziness seemed slightly better if she closed her eyes. Billy soon arrived with a bottle of water, and Mulder helped her sit up. He opened the bottle and handed it to her, placing his arm back around her shoulders. She drank some slowly, small sips at a time. She was still having trouble focusing her eyes but the spinning had slowed.  
“Scully, I’m taking you to the ER.”  
“No, Mulder, it’s just vertigo. It’s nothing serious.”  
“Well we are at least going back to the motel. You don’t need to be out somewhere you could fall again and hurt yourself.” Scully didn’t feel up to arguing. She nodded in agreement. She handed him the bottle which he capped. “Do you think you can walk?”  
“I think so.” She held onto his arms and he held her elbows and eased her up. She stood for a moment and seemed to get her bearings. He carefully released his grip on her, still staying close so as to catch her if she swayed, which she immediately did, reaching out to him for balance. In one smooth, swift move, without hesitation, he had one arm under her legs and one at her back, and she was off the ground, her right arm around his neck. “Mulder…” she tried to protest. She felt silly being carried. But he seemed to do it with ease. She quickly stopped her protests as another wave of vertigo hit her. She clutched onto him a bit more as she felt the world around her start to spin again. He felt her wrap around him and pulled her a little tighter in his arms.  
After several seconds, she resigned any attempt to convince herself or him this was altogether unnecessary and she just closed her eyes and let him carry her. “Just relax, Scully. I’ve got you.” She opened her eyes once more as the wave passed and blearily watched the tree branches that criss-crossed against the blue sky as they passed over her head. There was something nauseating about being jostled around, but there was no way she could have walked back to the car, and she knew Mulder was being as steady as he could over the uneven ground. Before long, they were back at the car, and Billy stepped forward in concern.  
“She almost fainted when we were in the house. I had to catch her. Is she going to be okay?” the young deputy asked.  
“I hope so,” Mulder replied. “She’s not been feeling well since last night.” Billy opened the passenger side door of their rental sedan.  
“You want me to call an ambulance?”  
Mulder gingerly set Scully on her feet and helped her get into the car. He pulled the seatbelt over her and buckled her in. “No, thank you, we are just going to go back to the motel. But she is going to get checked out soon, no matter how much she protests.” He said this last part more to her than to Billy.  
“Well, you have my direct number if you two need anything. And thank you again for coming out here. I really do appreciate it. I hope she feels better.”  
“Thanks, Billy. We’ll be in touch.”  
Mulder jogged around to the driver’s side and slid in behind the wheel and they were off. Thankfully, the motel was only 8 minutes from the Hoeses’ house. Scully was feeling stronger when they arrived. She got out and stood up on her own, but Mulder quickly made his way over to her side and she took his arm. She handed Mulder her room key and he got her inside and had her sit on the bed. He moved across the room, picked up her suitcase, and unzipped it. He immediately spotted a set of lavender pajamas and handed them to her. He took a few steps and turned his back to give her privacy to change without having to go too far away. She changed without incident, told Mulder she was dressed, and pulled the covers back. She lay down on her side and he pulled the covers up over her. He sat on the edge of the bed, his arm protectively tucked over her legs. “Do you want me to leave you and let you rest?”  
“No, I’d prefer it if you stayed, at least for a while, if you don’t mind.”  
“Of course not,” he replied, and reassured her with a soft pat to her arm.  
Mulder sat down on the floor and leaned against the side of the bed. She could see he was in deep thought. He sighed deeply, staring off into the little kitchenette. Scully placed a hand on his shoulder.  
“Mulder, talk to me.”  
Without looking at her, he gladly began to voice what was on his mind. “Scully, what I said to you last night was incredibly difficult for me to say. But I meant every word. Believe me, the selfish side of me never wants to see you go. But if it means never seeing you hurt or harmed again, I want you to get as far away from me as you can. We’ve had this conversation before. I tried to tell you then to go live your life, that you deserve better. The very fact you have remained loyal and honest and done everything and then some that you should have done according to duty and as a friend and as a good human being means you deserve better. I told you to leave, only for you to decide you wanted to stay.” He turned to face her now, his elbow near her knees on the bed. “But I’m telling you. This can’t go on forever. One day you will look back and what should have been the best years of your life will be gone and you’ll have nothing to show for it. And I can’t let that happen.”  
“What do you want, Mulder? Do you want me to quit the X-Files? Quit the FBI? Go be a housewife? What is it you think I’m missing out on?” she eyed him incredulously.  
Exasperated, Mulder raised his voice slightly. “A LIFE, Scully! God knows I don’t have one, and I probably never will, but I chose this. This is my cross to bear, not yours. I want you to move on and be happy.”  
“I AM happy, Mulder.” She pleaded with him with her eyes to believe her.  
He smiled a pitiful, ‘nice try, but I don’t believe that for a second’ smile and slightly shook his head.  
His voice softened. “I just don’t believe that. Scully, please…I just…” He moved his hand over on the bed until it covered hers. “I don’t want you to be 60 and look around you and you’re alone, no family. You’ll just have me. And I pity anyone who has nothing but me.”  
“Why?” His words stung. He really thought nothing of himself. This beautiful man, her friend, her partner in crime, her partner in everything…her protector and endangerer, this man whom she had grown to need and adore, with whom she was so intertwined she didn’t think she could untangle from him if she tried, thought he was nothing worth having.  
“Scully, I’m always going to be chasing aliens, trying to warn the world the sky is falling. But you…there’s still hope for you. Your brother was right. It’s all my fault. I told you before, go be a doctor. Get away from me. You can still do something with your life.”  
“NO he was absolutely not right,” she argued forcefully. “I know you don’t believe that. Why are you pushing me away?”  
“I’m not Scully,” he leaned towards her, pleading with her, “I’m pushing you towards something…something better.”  
“Mulder, you told me that if we quit, they win. I can’t quit. This is my life now. I don’t know what I have to do to convince you of that. Your quest is my quest. This is OUR life now. I CAN’T leave.”  
He shook his head wearily and sighed. He hated her words as much as he loved them. He knew arguing with her was futile, but he couldn’t let it go. He wasn’t going to sit idly by and let her throw her life away.  
She continued, “If you really believe that what you do is worth doing, why can you not believe that I think so, too? All the horrible things that have happened to us mean nothing, it was all in vain, all our suffering and loss, if we don’t seek answers. I need to know why. I need to know who’s responsible. And I believe that as the two people who have the ability and resources to even begin to fight these men, we have an obligation to do so. Mulder, we are not the only people who have lost anything. Just look at the people in this town, what they’ve been through. Other people deserve justice just as much as we do. There is no nobler cause than that.”  
Mulder searched her eyes, searching for any doubt she may have in her own words. But he found none. “But Scully, you’ve done enough, you’ve paid your dues - more than paid them. You’ve fought the good fight. Now it’s your turn to just live.” He was almost angry now, not at her, but at the injustice of it all, that they both couldn’t just be happy, that he was having to even have this conversation. “I … I don’t want to let you go; I don’t even know how to. But I care about you too much to not make sure you get everything out of life you deserve.” He leaned closer to her and placed his palm against her velvet cheek, swiping a tear from it. “For a while, I had thought that maybe I could be enough for you. But you’ve got a 40 foot wall built up around you that I’ve been trying to tear down brick by brick for seven years, Scully. I get a peek inside once in a while. But I guess that’s all I’m ever going to get. Maybe I’m not the one who’s meant to tear it down.”  
Scully eyed him, confused, searching his face for some hope that he didn’t really believe what he was saying, that he didn’t really find her so hard to get close to. “Is that what you really think of me? That I’m cold and distant, even with you?” she asked quietly, trying to wrap her brain around his words. She couldn’t believe he felt that way. This man who she was closer to than anyone else in the world, her friend, her partner, didn’t feel it was possible to get close to her, didn’t feel he really knew her. If he didn’t, no one did. That thought made her feel extremely lonely. She was wounded to her core. She felt small and vulnerable. This revelation turned everything she thought about their relationship upside down. But why was she surprised, really? She had never told him. She had never been good at relationships of any kind. She knew she shouldn’t have expected him to read her mind. Suddenly, the guilt came pressing down on her like a thousand pound weight she thought would surely crush her. She had to set things straight, and fast.  
“Mulder, we are in this together. I’m seven years in, and I’m not going anywhere. Even if you are all I have, you’re enough, MORE than enough. And if you don’t believe you are, then that’s my fault.” Her face began to bend into a frown, and tears welled up in her blue eyes. She squeezed his hand that lay on the bed in front of her. “And for that, I’m truly sorry. I’ve failed you somewhere along the way. You…you always know what to say. You have this sincere, pure honesty about you that is unbelievably endearing. It comes naturally. It’s just who you are. You just say what’s on your mind, whatever it is you feel and believe, and you don’t care who knows or what they think. You have said some of the most beautiful things to me. . .things I will never forget. But…I have never really told you anything about what you mean to me.”  
“You don’t owe me anything, Scully…”  
“It’s not about that. It’s that…I…” She looked down, her head swimming, her eyes searching rapidly, as if the words she couldn’t find would be found somewhere among the sheets. “I need to say it, and you deserve to hear it.” She looked him right in his hazel eyes, and her voice cracked as she said the words, barely above a whisper. “I love you, Mulder.” Her face scrunched up, tears welled up in her clear, blue eyes as she choked out the words, “Very much.” She placed a creamy palm on the stubble of his cheek. “Please,” she shook her head, pleading with him. “Please don’t ever doubt that or forget it. If I’m all you have, and you’d still rather push me away than see me hurt. It’s YOU who deserves better.”  
Mulder’s eyes were damp and red. He just looked at her in shock, blown away by her confession. He suddenly grinned a small, satisfied grin. “Then we deserve each other, Scully.”  
A wide smile spread across her flawless face. It was one of pure joy and relief. Mulder got up and climbed back onto the bed, facing her. He took her in his arms as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as is this were something they did every day. He buried his face in the top of her head, pressing a kiss into the fiery strands there. Scully wrapped her arm over him and he pulled her closer, a possessive leg bent over her hip. Her face pressed into his chest, her words were muffled. “Mulder, promise me something.”  
“Anything, Scully,” he muttered, his chin resting on the top of her head, one hand resting at her waist and the other around her shoulders.  
“Promise me you will never forget what I said, that you won’t doubt or worry anymore. Promise me that we will never have this conversation again.”  
Mulder pulled back slightly so he could look at her, her azure eyes meeting his. He moved his left hand from her waist to her smooth cheek. He smiled slightly, reassuring her. He moved so he could brush his soft lips against hers, asking for permission. She granted it, fully pressing her mouth against his. It was longer than just a peck, but still chaste, not saying anything more than was needed in that moment. And she knew. They both knew. Whatever this was, whatever they were, they both knew without a doubt where they belonged. Wherever that took them, that was something they would never question again.


End file.
